One year ago today, we went to court for the first time to get us closer to becoming a forever family. My nerves were shot. We didn't know if the birthfather was going to contest the adoption because no one could get a hold of him. By this point, I remember losing so much sleep because I could not control the outcome. If you know me well, you know I like to be in control. Craig often jokes with me that even when I'm not behind the wheel of the van that I'm still "driving". All kidding aside, we seriously did not know where we were going to be after we left court that day. We also didn't know if the birthfather would show up. We knew, up to that point, that he knew about the pregnancy and he knew that Jace had been born.
We met our lawyer about 15 minutes before our hearing to discuss what would happen plus there was a BOLO (yes-I watch too many police dramas) for the birthfather. We were called back to the courtroom where the judge heard our case. We had to get a "continuance" to give time for a notice to be published. This notice served to tell the birthfather that an adoption proceeding was going to take place and that if he wanted something to be done, he needed to act.
We were told by the judge that this wasn't a setback, it was just a postponement. So, we walked out of court knowing that the next time we would be back would be 1 month exactly later-11/16/12. The judge and the staff at the courthouse were phenomenal. They were encouraging. I can't probably comprehend the number of cases that they had seen/heard where circumstances were worse than ours. The judge even mentioned that to us. She encouraged us to stay strong. Our lawyer told us she would let us know if she heard anything and that we were also going to have a lawyer appointed to act on the birthfather's behalf.
I'm not gonna lie. Boy howdy is it hard to wait. I didn't want anything to come between us and Jace. How could we lose this boy we had come to love so much? Well, the truth is/was that God never promised us anything and he didn't guarantee us anything. I struggled with anger, frustration, sadness, guilt and had all of these bad dreams about the situation. I knew I had to give it to God. But, again, that was so hard. We had waited to become parents and I didn't know if it was going to be ripped out of our hands. I kept trying to beg and plead with God and at times "bartering". Oh, that was so wrong.
I really know that I, personally, would not have made it through that last month without prayer warriors. We were able to share our prayer requests with others through a group on facebook and have them lift us up.
Again, I won't lie-it was probably the longest month of my life. I wanted everything to be finished. I wanted Jace's name to be changed. I wanted him ours forever. God knew the outcome from way back when. He knew that I needed to be stretched in ways I never thought possible. It's so easy to look back at it and see it now. It was probably a good thing for us (well, me-especially) to go through this. It's changed my outlook on a lot of other things that have popped up since then that are out of my control. Yes-my first intital reaction is WHY? and COME ON! But, then I take a step back and say-God has got this. Not me. Chill, girl.
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