One year ago our world was beginning to change.

Yesterday marked one year ago that we found out we were going to finally be parents.  I should honestly say that it was a year ago that we found out there was a strong possibility we would become parents.

We found out in the middle of July that there was an expectant mother who was choosing an adoption plan for the child she was carrying.  She contacted the agency we had our profile with informing them of her plan.  Our Social Worker (SW) gave her our profile because this gal came from a farming background.  Our SW contacted us to confirm our hopes that we could have an open adoption because this is what this emom was wanting.  She felt that we would be a good match because we were both from small rural areas.

So, we began the "countdown to our meeting".  But, we didn't know when that day would be.  We were running into conflicts for all parties involved.  We finally could meet on Saturday, July 28.  We nervously drove over an hour to our agency not knowing if we would be chosen.  If this emom would like us. If this was the beginning of something wonderful. If we would be chosen only to have our dreams and hopes crushed.

We showed up at the meeting with our SW, the emom and some members of her family.  We immediately hit it off.  Emom-whom I will refer to as "T" showed us a sonogram picture.  We saw the words...IT'S A BOY!  And then my world and my mind began on a crazy spiral of anticipation, fear, excitement, awe, and it was full of questions.  Evidently, T thought when she wanted to meet us that it was a done deal.  We went into the meeting with the impression she wanted to meet with us to make the decision if we were going to be the parents she chose.  So, when we were bombarded with the question if we had picked out a name yet-we sat there dumbfounded.  We visited for nearly 2 hours.  T's grandfather farmed and of course since that's what we do, Craig and the grandparents had a lot to talk about-especially since we were going through a severe drought.  

We found out this little guy was due August 17.  We were hoping she would deliver then because our SW was going to go on vacation one week and her doctor another.  T told us that she liked that we lived on a farm, had dogs, and that I played volleyball.  She was also glad to know that we were Christians.  She said she wanted her child to go to a family that didn't have any kids or couldn't.  Well, we fit that bill for sure. 

We exchanged phone numbers so that T could text us how she was doing and when she went into labor.  We found out where she had planned to deliver-in Ottawa, KS (which is about 2 hours away from us) and we all agreed that this was a good match.

I can't tell you the range of emotions we felt after this meeting.  We had plans to meet up with my family and some friends who were in town but I couldn't even think about that.  

I think both of us were in shock.  We had our profile active for about 5 1/2 months and had several inquiries and they all went nowhere and we also declined having our profile shown.  The thoughts permeated my brain that this was exciting...yet it could fail. Playing that game of doubt in your head could drive you insane.  We prayed.  We hoped. We felt more good about it than bad so that helped.  

We decided to make a run to Babies 'R Us to look and hope and dream some more.  After we visited with family and friends, we headed home.  It was so funny...Craig brought up the fact that we needed to come up with a name. We didn't know where to start!  We jokingly started going through NASCAR driver's names.  Nah...we wouldn't do that.  So, we started going through T.V. show's character's names.  We had just started watching Duck Dynasty 2 weeks previous and Craig said we should name this little guy Si.  I told him I don't think so.  We had a good laugh.  Then, in all seriousness, I said that I really liked the name Jase.  He was also one of our favorite characters on the show.  We agreed that we would talk about it more, but that name was etched onto my heart from that moment on.  I didn't know if it would come to be, but I was falling in love with this little boy that I was not even carrying.