National Infertility Awareness Week

Taken from resolve.org website

Infertility Awareness...
It is needed. And here is how you can help.

Infertility. That was a word I really hadn't heard of and didn't know much about until we were experiencing problems getting pregnant.  I had know people who didn't have kids and I always wondered why.  I knew that these people loved kids but I couldn't understand why they didn't have kids of their own.  Others would give excuses for those who were childless-maybe not knowing the truth of why or maybe they did.  But, once the excuse was given it was expected to not talk anymore about it.

I am not going to use this blogpost to go in depth about our infertility. If you want the full story, you can read some of my previous posts.  The condensed version is after thousands of dollars of tests, my husband and I were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.  This means there was no known cause for the reason we could not get pregnant.  We had tried to get pregnant for over 3 years before we sought medical treatment. We then went through 10 cycles of A.R.T.S. (Assisted Reproductive Technology) only to have each cycle fail. For 7 cycles, I was also taking a medicine that left some bad side effects...all in an effort to get pregnant.  

I don't know why we waited.  Namely, I was in denial that something was wrong.  I didn't know what could be wrong and then I got scared because I didn't know what was going on and what to expect.  I was not informed and educated.  I joined an online Christian Inferility support group/forum.  I gained a lot from these other ladies who were also experiencing infertility, loss, adoption loss, etc.  Even though we may have had different diagnoses and we were in different places in life we had one thing in common-we wanted to be mommies and couldn't be. Another thing we had in common-we all had been told some very hurtful things by people who were not aware of the facts and the pain of infertility.

Again, why?  I don't know.  About 30-35 years ago, breast cancer was not talked about too much.  There were thousands of women (and men) who were dying of this disease but it was talked in hushed tones-hidden from the news.  I mean, you just don't talk about a woman's breast in public or mixed circles.  It was a private and personal part of a woman's body but women were suffering greatly from this cancer and not getting the medical care and support that they needed.  

Now-look at us.  Everywhere you look you probably see a pink ribbon, you might hear about a Breast Cancer Walk, you might send money to a foundation that helps with breast cancer cures, you know someone who survived.  You may know someone who lost their battle-but you know.  Most of us who have a loved one or friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer (or any medical condition) did everything in our power to help them.  We might read up on treatments to learn what  that person is going through and will experience.  We don't question why they treat-we support and we love.  When they are suffering with the initial diagnosis, people rally around and say we are going to beat this.

Studies show that when people are going through a medical crisis if they are receiving support and love from others, they usually respond to their treatment better.  They have a will to live and to carry on.  Now-please don't think that I am saying that 100% of infertility medical treatments work.  Believe me, I know-we had 10 failed cycles, remember?  But-the point is when you receive love and support while going through  treatment, you have the will to carry on.  When we were going through our cycles, I relied heavily on people. They let me cry on their shoulder. They just listened.  But, they became aware of what it was we were going through and empathized.  They may not have known what it was like to go through it but they had the desire to understand.

Why is infertility not talked about?  It's somewhat the same as why breast cancer was not talked about years ago.  We are dealing with a personal aspect of a couple's life-sex. Yes-it's pretty obvious that sex is what leads to the birth of a child.  But the fact of the matter is-it's a real part of way too many couple's lives and they are hurting and grieving and need support.

1 in 8 couples are experiencing infertility.  Some studies show that the number may be as high as 1 in 5 couples.  Stop and think about it.  That's way too many.  The battery of tests that a couple goes through is amazing.  And yes-both have to go through it.  It's humiliating.  It's embarrassing. It's heartbreaking. You have to share some of the most intimate details of your life with a doctor.  

When I "came out" on facebook talking about what we were going through, I received every type of response.  We had the "I can't imagine", the "Praying for you", and the worst of all, "Get over it" responses.  It baffled me.  Most of the time when we received the negative comments they came from people who just didn't care and were not informed about infertility.  They didn't know the real and raw emotion that came with the diagnosis.  

If you take a moment, you probably realize that there is someone in your life who is going through infertility.  They may just need a shoulder to cry on.  They may need to vent.  They may just need someone to not judge them.  What I want to encourage you to do is to become aware that there is an Infertility problem that is going on.  

We became aware of breast cancer and what it takes for a patient to go through.  We now need-no we MUST do the same for infertility patients.  Resolve.org has a great website full of facts about infertility. There is also a section for family and friends to read about what it's like for a couple experiencing infertility.  Support & Services for Family & Friends

After 10 cycles of ARTS and thousands of dollars later, we decided that we would pursue adoption. We were approved through a home study and then waited 8 months until we were able to bring home our handsome little guy. We had times of turmoil there, too.  We had our profile shown and turned down several times and then we had to wait to finalize.  It was rough, too.  But, we carried on with that journey as well because we received support.  Even though I am now a mommy through adoption, I am still and always be an infertile.  There are times when I catch myself hoping that this month we may get pregnant only to be disappointed again.  There are days when pregnancy announcements catch me off guard and they hurt deeply.  But, you know what?  I am a survivor.  I'm glad that I can share our story with others and that I can vent when I'm struggling.  I'm glad that I have friends who have become aware and want to understand. 

My prayer is that you can do that for a friend of yours.  You never know how much your love, support, friendship and your willingness to be aware can make a difference.  I know it did for me.