Psalm 139:1-6

From the NKJV:
O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.

So...ummmmmm...why do I forget this so much?  God does know me.  He knows every aspect of my life, so why in the world do I sit/lie/stand there and question why He acts like He didn't know we are suffering all of the aspects of infertility?  Doesn't He see the tears that I cry?  Doesn't He, umm...care?

Yes, He does.  Why is it so hard to see Him through it?  I don't know.  I honestly don't know.  I wish I could answer that question.  It is a recurring event, month after month and year after year.  I seriously don't know how people survive decades of infertility.  They are my heroes.  I can't stand the pain we have had to endure for 3 years.  How can God ask of me to bear it for 4 years? 5 years? 10 years? I can't even make it through 1 month without wanting to feel like I've lost all hope and the cycle repeats itself again.  Grief, sadness, hope, waiting, hoping some more, than...Grief, sadness, hope, waiting.  You get the picture. 

I'm still a work in progress.  Each day that I breathe is a victory at this point.  Believe me, I wish we didn't have to go through this.  I continue to pray every day that God would turn our mourning into gladness.