Thirty-five Reasons

It's with mixed emotions that I "celebrate" my 35th birthday today. Honestly, I'm not happy to celebrate this birthday at all because now I am 35 and still childless. Never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamed that this would be our reality. In "my perfect plans", we should have at least 1 child, if not 2 already here with us. But, for some reason, that is not our situation. It really is hard to accept. Turning 30 was nothing-I was excited for that plus I was still in the newlywed status and I knew that someday we would be celebrating the birth of our child. But for 5 years since that day-it has not come to be and thus-it is a hard day to recognize.


As you live the life of an infertile-holidays become more and more daunting. Mother's Day is a hard day to go through. Granted-I am thankful for my mom & my grandma (and the others who are no longer with us)...but it is just absolutely painful for me. Father's Day this year stunk, too. Craig DESERVES to be a dad. Christmas this year will be tough. I have nieces, but I should be able to watch in delight as my child(ren) open up his/her gifts and get all excited. But, I can't and I won't for the foreseeable future. This is our reality and maybe it sounds selfish-but I don't like it. I wish that it were different...I PRAY that it was different.

It's tough to remember that God has this all planned out, but it still is painful. It's hard to press on when you want to give up. It's hard to be happy when you are sad.

So, since I turn 35, I'm going to try and think of 35 things I am thankful for in no particular order.

1. Well-this has to be #1-that I am a Child of God. I was bought & paid for with the blood of Christ.
2. My husband. He's a hard worker & he supports me no matter what.
3. My dogs-I love running around & playing with them.
4. My ability to sing-it's brought a lot of comfort in the darkest of nights.
5. A job. In this day & age I don't take it lightly.
6. Iced Tea-Unsweetened.
7. Nascar-It's MY sport.
8. My church family
9. Minsky's Pizza-Prime Cut is the best
10. Text messaging-How did I live without it before?
11. My family-even though we have our moments.
12. Hannah's Prayer & My HP Gals-You have encouraged me in some of my lowest points. I love you all!
13. The Psalms-I now declare it my favorite book of the Bible.
14. Branson-I know that sounds weird-but we love it down there.
15. My mother-in-law: Even though she has Alzheimer's, I wouldn't trade the times we have had together. And because she gave me the best husband possible.
16. Coupons-I love saving money as much as I can.
17. DVR-Thank goodness that we don't have to watch everything live & can fast forward through all of the commercials-especially the political ones.
18. Chocolate
19. Christian Radio-There are a lot of encouraging songs out there. Trust me.
20. Our Military-Veterans and those currently serving. Your sacrifice is great and I do not take it lightly.
21. God protecting Craig in his wreck this February. And that we were able to get some money out of our totalled older van.
22. Our new van. I love it.
23. Sirius Satellite Radio-especially the Nascar Channel. I love the hosts on there.
24. Bobe's Pizza-best pizza from back home hands down.
25. Ice Cream
26. My Wii Fit & Wii Active games. I need it after some days of over-indulgence.
27. My R.E. (Reproductive Endocrinologist)-she's awesome.
28. My friends who have listened to & supported me in many different circumstances.
29. Books-Fiction ones. I love getting lost in them.
30. Internet.
31. Volleyball-It's my favorite sport to play
32. The Shooting Arcade at Bass Pro. Great stress reliever.
33. God's forgiveness
34. God's Love
35. Heaven-and the sweet reunions that will take place there.

Phew! That was tougher than I thought, but I'm glad I did it. Now-to press on and hope that this next year will bring a lot more happiness than sadness. So, thank you for all of the birthday wishes-it has helped an otherwise very sad day.