Never judge a book by it's cover.

Once again, I feel like I'm forced to defend myself.  People are making snap judgements about me and they do not know the whole story.  It has been questioned why I do or do not do certain things.  People forget...I am an Infertile woman.  Some things are not comfortable for me to do because they bring me to a place where I just want to weep for the pain of being childless.  Some things are done a certain way because we have decided it is what I have to do to maintain my sanity.  I guess some people just think that it's uncaring, unthoughtful, stupid, or whatever other adjective they can come up with.  What people don't realize is how painful it is to go to baby showers, look at pictures of babies, talk about babies when you have just found out that you have missed another month or you have been given some bad news.  They make judgements about posts on Facebook.  They assume they know the truth-but they don't.  They think I'm being selfish, jealous, inconsiderate, cold, etc-but I'm not.  I'm doing what I need to do at certain times to protect my heart.  I may come across that I'm mad at the world-but it is just a steel curtain/wall going up to protect my heart.  This past weekend, at my sister's shower 1 person came up to me and said I can't imagine what it took for you to be here today.  I broke down and cried-they acknowledged my pain and didn't judge me.  Thank God for that person.

So, why do I write this?  I want people to come to me if they are "concerned" for me.  I want people to not go behind my back and spread false lies.  I want people to find out the truth from me.  If you have questions, ask me.  A lot of people don't want to ask about infertility because it's uncomfortable for them.  They don't want to understand or can't understand. 

I saw this quote from Former First Lady Laura Bush describing their battle with infertility and it pretty much sums it up.

"The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

Yes-it's hard to accept-but it means so much more when someone can come up to me and share in my/our pain instead of blowing me off or making judgements that they have no right to make.  Yes, you can pray for me/us, but coming up and giving me a hug and saying I'm sorry makes you feel that you are cared for.  That is the difference.

I have really had to do an assessment of how I have treated others-because I have rushed to a conclusion that I didn't have the right to do. I guess it is just something that humans do. We think we know everything when in reality we know nothing. So, never judge a book by it's cover.  It may look different on the outside, but when you read between the beginning and the end-you see the whole picture and not just the synopsis.