Dealing with Alzheimer's firsthand

(Edited to change a typo.)

Tonight was just a rough night.  A rough night watching my mother-in-law talk about life long ago and not remembering giving birth to her own son.

For those who know the full story, please bear with me. 

This all started about 6 years ago.  Right about the time Craig & I got engaged, we noticed that his mom was having a hard time remembering basic things and we were repeating conversations.  Craig took his mom to the doctor a couple of weeks before our wedding and they ordered an MRI of her brain.

Two days after our wedding, his mom went back to the doctor to follow-up.  We weren't there because we were busy moving my stuff from Peculiar, MO to our temporary rental home.  Craig & I waited to go on our honeymoon until the following week and then the next Wednesday, mom had a follow up appointment with the doctor.  On a whim, Craig decided it was best we go.

I sat in the waiting room when they went back with the doctor.  Craig came out 10 minutes later with an expression on his face I will never ever forget.  His mom had been told that she had 3 tumors on her brain but couldn't remember to tell us.

To make a long story short, she had one tumor removed. We were told that it wouldn't affect the memory, but the whole ordeal in the hospital was an adventure we would all like to forget.  We later took her to be tested and sought out the opinion of a neurologist.  Diagnosis: August 1, 2005-moderate to severe Alzheimer's.

Yikes.
Hold the phone.
We are too young to deal with this.
What are we going to do?

We decided it was best to let mom stay in her own house (I had originally typed in "our" house), but we regularly checked in on her and also called several times a day.  It finally got to a point in October 2009 that she needed to go to the nursing home.  We found a great one in St. Mary's Manor in Blue Springs, MO.  They have a lock-down memory care unit that was just the right fit.

I will never ever forget the day we arrived at the nursing home.  October 24, 2009.  We had put mom in the hospital-per the doctor's orders-for observation.  They heavily sedated her, released her when she couldn't even walk on her own or feed herself.  (Believe me-don't get me started on the HCA hospital she was at-I will never ever go there again.)

We took her to the nursing home...
We walked down the hall...
We took her stuff in with us...
I cried.

Not just a tear rolling down my cheek.  A gut-wrenching sob.

Not for me...for my husband. 
For my mother-in-law.

I hated that it came to this.  We just had no way to take care of her on our own.  I would have had to quit my job to take care of her full time.

But, we were so happy with the nursing home we had chose.  The nurse gave me a hug and told me it would be okay.  I said, "Yeah, I know it will...it just hurts." 

Everything went very well as far as adjustment.  It took close to a year before we were ever asked if she could go home.  Then she realized she was somewhere else-but she just had a new apartment.  Thanks be to God for making this an easy transition.

But, nights like tonight break my heart again.

We were sitting there in mom's room.  I told her what the day was and asked her if she remembered what happened on January 24.

She said she didn't know.

January 24, 1969?

She said, "It snowed."

I said, "Well, maybe, but you were in labor."

She said, "I was?"

I said, "Yep.  You had a little boy.  And Monday, your little baby boy is turning 42."

She said, "He is?"

I said, "Yep.  Maybe you should tell him Happy Birthday.  He's sitting right next to you."

She said, "Oh. Well, I just don't remember that. But, if you say it happened, then alright."  "Happy Birthday, sweetie."

I hate it for my husband that his own mom can't remember his birth.  I hate those nights when she can't even remember his name.  She just calls him her good buddy.

There is so much more that goes on that would literally rip your heart out if you could watch this.  Alzheimer's is a very cruel disease.  I wish that it never had to exist.  I hate that my husband has to watch his mom succumb to this. I see the tears in his eyes when his mom forgets his name, or she talks about having a conversation with her mom & dad. She asks if we have let them know where she is at.  We just smile and say, yes. 

It's what you do.  It's how you deal with Alzheimer's firsthand.  You just love and remember the good times with the person as they want. 

And you cope.
And you survive...somehow.