The rambling thoughts from the past few days

I have a confession.                                      

It is hard to be hopeful anymore.

But yet, somewhere deep inside of me, I know that I have to be. Or else I would sink into a pit of depression and despair so deep that it would consume every aspect of my life. 

Oh, my friend, so much easier said than done. 

I was telling Craig the other night (as we were on our way home from celebrating his birthday...all by ourselves) that it's just hard to accept that right now there are no kids in our lives. 

I long for that day when I can teach our child to root for Tony Stewart, Carl Edwards, Clint Bowyer and yell BOOOOO at Jimmie Johnson. 
I long for that day when Craig can take our child out on a tractor ride.
I long for that day when our dogs come and lick our child to death and there are those happy little giggles squealing, "Chuggie!  You my doggie!"

It has been a very rough week coming off of another failed cycle/month.  This coupled with the actual timing of it. 

It has been 4 years since we wanted to expand our family.  (Not start. Our family started on March 19, 2005.)  We had some roadblocks at the beginning that were not of our choosing that put the plans on temporary hold, but nonetheless---4 years. 

I don't know how other couples have made it longer than this.  Well, maybe I do.  It's a little thing called grace & God's strength.

Can you just pray for us?  This is just hard to accept right now and we need strength. 

But most of all, we need compassion.  Not advice, just compassion.  A simple hug and a shoulder to cry on mean the world.  Not only to us, but to anyone in our shoes.  Or anyone going through anything that is a trial. After all, that is what we should all do-be there for one another instead of running away.

Until hope returns, we'll just keep pressing on and remembering that God still loves us and He hasn't forgotten us.