August is over?!?

Seriously, where did this month go?  I can't believe it's been almost 3 weeks since I updated my blog.  I must confess, I've been VERY busy. 

Craig & I went on vacation for a week to the Smoky Mountains and also went to Bristol, TN for the Nascar races.  It was so great to get away for the week and not have to worry/deal with anyone else.  I think that was the best part.  We also got to catch up with one of my friends from high school and meet his wife and son. We hadn't seen each other since we walked together at graduation...SEVENTEEN years ago! 

We are still going through the "waiting" process in our Infertility.  We are at a crossroads where we have a lot of decisions to make and which path to take.  I had another rough night last night.  It's so hard to remain focused on the positive when the negative keeps pushing it's way in front.  You're like...NO...get away from me.  But, that usually doesn't work.  You have to find that "happy" medium where you can go on and try to focus on what is actually happening in your life compared to what you hoped/thought/wished could have been.  I think that's the biggest struggle.  You live in a world of what if's/why's/when's, etc. 

I seriously saw myself having a child well before I turned 35.  Well, I definitely know that won't be coming true, since my birthday is coming in a little over a month.  It's just hard to believe.  I just really never dreamed this would be my lot in life.  Never, ever ever.  I never thought that I would have to deal with infertility.  Heck...I didn't even really have a grasp on what it meant.  Now...I feel like I know so much but it still doesn't cure that sting of pain that comes every month. 

So, we push on/press on/pray on that one day, maybe God would just see fit to end this pain.  We don't know the end, but He does.  I don't know if that means we will adopt, we will be childless forever, or we will be blessed with our own offspring.  It's really hard leaving it in His hands, because I want it now.  Actually, I wanted it 3 years ago, but here we are and still nothing.  Onward we go, and the faith will waiver and the despair will enter in-I'm just hoping it's for a little while and not for much longer.  I want that baby in my hands, in my home, in Craig's arms.  God knows our hearts, our desires and our pain.