2010: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Honestly, I cannot lie.  I can't wait for 2010 to be over.  I'm ready for a fresh, new start.  This year for the most part has been the toughest I have had to go through for so many reasons.

What was good about it?  Right now, I would like to say nothing, but I know that is furthest from the truth.  In February, Craig was spared from injury when a set of a dual tires off of a semi trailer came flying at him from the opposite side of the interstate at 70 MPH and totalled our van.  We got a new van out of the deal that I like very much...so I guess that's good.  Gotta love the free Sirius radio!

The van

The Duals

                                             

                             

We got to go on THREE Vacations for THREE WHOLE WEEKS! 

• First we went to Gatlinburg, TN for a week in August.  We had so much fun: We hiked up the Smoky Mountains, saw 5 bears, and got lots of great pictures. I also got to catch up with a High School friend that I had not seen since we graduated in 1993! We also went to the Nascar races in Bristol, TN.  It was total fun.  I wish I could go to every race there!





Craig & me at the Great Smoky Mountains


• Second-we went to Branson, MO for a week in September.  It wasn't busy at all which is soooo nice. We went to the Dixie Stampede and we met a really nice older couple there. Then we ran into them 2 more times at Silver Dollar City and then at the Branson Landing!  We just had a great time of getting away from it all.
• Third-we went back to Branson for the week of Thanksgiving.  We own a timeshare down there, so yes-we spend lots of time there.  We went to 3 shows, dinner & a show on the Branson Belle (which wrecked 2 weeks later), and Silver Dollar City.  We also started shopping at 4 AM on Black Friday. The only reason we didn't get up sooner was because we were able to shop online!



Dad, Mom, Grandma, me, and Craig at Silver Dollar City

 Of course, we went to all of the races out at the Kansas Speedway this year.  We spent time with friends one night at their house, and then tailgated with some other friends.  It's great that a sport can bring so many people together.



Me signing the start/finish line.




Craig & me on the track




Tony Stewart & his crew.



The Bad?  There was lots.  First, my Grandpa Mitchell (my dad's step-dad) died of his cancer on May 4. Secondly, my Granny Rule (mom's mom) died 25 days later on May 29 from a bacterial infection.  It really stinks to lose a family member, but having 2 deaths within 3.5 weeks time just is plain awful.  The good from it: Both professed to have accepted Christ so at least I have hope that I will see them again in Heaven.



With Grandma & Grandpa Mitchell Christmas 2009




With Granny 3 weeks before she left us


The Ugly?  So much.  Many of you finally found out that we were infertile; mostly because I was having to deal with my feelings in front of everyone since my sister was pregnant.  I had been able to hide from pregnant women and my feelings for the previous 2 years.  How do you explain to people that you are excited for your family, but you are literally dying on the inside...and sometimes on the outside.  Then when you are going through those feelings-everyone is judging you.  They have absolutely no clue what it's like but yet they think they know best.  It's hard to explain to people your loss each month and then try to defend that it is indeed a loss-because they tell you that it's ridiculous to cry & grieve.  It's the loss of a dream, loss of hope, a loss of a chance.

I know that I have not handled everything the way I should have-and for that I am sorry.  Please accept this apology from me. But, I tried to deal with it...I tried to work through it. That I'm even still here is a testament that God has sustained me.  Believe me, there were days I did not want to wake up-the grief was so unbearable.  (I know I am not the only infertile who has felt this despair.) I couldn't have made it through without the help of my husband and my wonderful new friends from Hannah's Prayer and some of my dear friends whom I have known for years that are in the same shoes as us.  They provided the support that we needed when others backed away.  I'm grateful to each one of you-and you know who you are.



Braelyn & Sienna at our house Christmas Eve 2010



The good from it? Yes-we love our nieces. They have a long road ahead of them since they were born so early-so please pray for them. But, I can't lie-my heart twists and turns each time I see them.  Just the pangs you have to deal with as an infertile are somedays overwhelming-but I do deal with them because God gives me the strength to work through my pain.

Ironically-well, maybe not-Craig & I grew even closer in our relationship this year.  Probably because of everything that we have been through.  Many people also forget that Craig's mom is in the nursing home.  It's tough to see my mother-in-law have to be there, but we are so thankful she is cared for. 

So, what do I hope for 2011? Well, besides the obvious of somehow, someway having a child-I hope that God continues to give grace and strength.  I pray that we would stay healthy.  Who doesn't want that? I pray that we will rest in His will for us---that is so much easier to say (or type) than it is to actually do it.  I hope my relationships with my family continue to heal-now that they have some idea of the pain I've been going through.

I pray that you will all be able to find the joy of knowing God and that He loves us all and He sent His Son to pay the price for our sins.  I pray that I can be an encouragement to you somehow.  Like I said before, I know I don't do everything right (who does?) but I'm glad that I have a Father in heaven who loves me and forgives me and sustains me.  Thank you, God for all you do that I don't deserve. 

So that leaves just one last thing: